My name is Kayla Cressey. I am nineteen years of age. I currently work in a clothes store and my tasks at this job include...oh god I sound like I'm filling out a job application. The horror! To cut the long boring story that is my life short is that I hate my job and I dropped out of university, I live with my parents and I've never had a boyfriend. Now that you know the highlights of my life lets move on.
People call me a 'dreamer'.
"You live in a fantasy world Kayla" they say to me and I suppose they're right, but somehow the life I can live in my own head is so much more interesting than the life that exists out there in the real world. In my head I am cool and collected, I always know exactly what to say and if I don't I can live out the scene again and know what to say next time and nobody would be any the wiser. I can imagine that I'm one of those people that are liked by everyone and makes friends with the utmost ease. Instead I'm socially awkward and stumble over simple conversations with people who I haven't known more than at least a month or two. I guess that's why I work in the store room and I'm still not sure how I managed to blunder my way through the interview process. Dumb luck probably.
In my head I am whatever weight I want to be, not teetering at the edge of two dress sizes found in two different parts of the store. I can go into any store and go around the racks and always find the right size. Everything looks good on me and I have the most desirable fashion sense, people stop me in the street and ask me where I bought my dress and I'll tell them that I made it myself. Its just a shame that in real life I break sewing machines by looking at them. I want to make it clear however that I never imagine myself to be a size eight or something, because I know that that is far too unrealistic. In the life I live inside it's a world that could be possible to live, if I worked hard enough, if I had the means. If I exercised hard enough and if I ate rights, I would be able to drop a few dress sizes, but doing that would provide me with muscle and therefore I could never be that small.
In my head life is not normal and workaday. It is not mundane. It is wild and fantastical and brilliant. Most importantly it is always logical. If I imagined that some movie star was my best friend, I didn't just grow up being her "BFF"; I made enough money by working three jobs to make my way out to California where I served her coffee for a year and a half before she asked me if that was what I really wanted to do. When I said no, she got me an audition for a small speaking part in her movie and from there I built up an acting career from there and we became close friends. See...logical.
In my head I am pretty. I still have the same face but the standards of beauty in my head are nowhere nearly as high as the real world and my plain and ordinary face is one that is considered desirable. Therefore people find me attractive and I go out on dates with them. In here, where the unlikely is possible I have boyfriends who buy my chocolate and call me beautiful. They tell me they love me and I live out a long and happy life with them, whoever they are this week.
In my head I am not afraid, I never think about all the reasons why I can't or shouldn't do something, I just do it. I live the life that I want tot have, the one that I wish I had the strength to follow through.
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